HoHoHo (Homo)?

Uh, no. I don't think so.


SANTA CLAUS IS GAY!

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myths, but I believe Santa Claus
is gay.

Consider that his annual Christmas eve journey is a massive
undertaking, requiring extensive planning, organizational skills,
pinpoint scheduling, extraordinary attention to detail, a knack for
self-promotion, and no small amount of show business flair and
pizazz! I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly
pull it all off. Even Martha Stewart is envious.

Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at
the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a
gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter, it's the perfect gig until you
get your big break.

Ever really thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of
the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let
poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." Duh, as if he wanted to!
Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight
society?

Is it just a coincidence that fruitcake is the traditional dessert
at Christmastime? Well, now you know why. (And stop pretending you
don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake.)

Not convinced? OK, with apologies to David Letetrman, here are the
TOP 10 REASONS WHY WE KNOW SANTA IS A GAY MAN:

10. Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one-night trip!

9. Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think, people!

8. Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the
perfect poster model for Bear Poster Child!

7. Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.

6. Preoccupied with toys, toys, TOYS!

5. Ho-Ho / Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.

4. That long over-night flight around the world taps into the
flight attendant gene.

3. Chooses graceful and beautiful reindeer as his means of
transportation, rather than a masculine animal such as horses or
oxen. (And those names he gave the reindeer: Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, Vixen?? Get real!)

2. Yes, there is a Mrs. Claus. But, despite being married for
eons, and Santa home with her 364 nights a year, have you ever heard
anyone speak of any children? She's portrayed as fat and
contented. Can you say "fag hag"?

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY WE KNOW SANTA IS A GAY MAN:

1. Did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? (Oh, straight
society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but
we know better.)

- adapted from a posting on Laughzone.com