Humor


Personal, sibling:
Thanks, sis!

>
>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
>to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
>lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
>noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
>
>At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
>an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully
>replied the patient.
>
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
>a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
>more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
>the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart,"
>
>Dr. ! Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
>
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the
>visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
>began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
>perfectly. left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There
>was
>silence. He couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I turned
>and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
>there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
>exam.
>
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>
>
>
>During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
>his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
>with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch.The
>nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
>of
>pl! aces to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
>hoped I
>wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since
>incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch before
>applying a new
>one.
>
>Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
>asked,"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
>confusion she answered "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my
>husband
>was alive,"
>
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
>"So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
>the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
>replied. I
>then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
>"KY
>Jelly."
>
>Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>
>
>And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD when doing his
>residency in OB,was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To
>cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
>.
>The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst
>out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
>doctor,
>but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
>
>
>
>Colonoscopy humor
>A physician claims these are actual comments from his
>patients made while
>he was performing colonoscopies:
>
>1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no
>man has gone before."
>
>2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
>
>3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
>
>4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
>
>5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we thereyet?"
>
>6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
>
>
>7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
>
>8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand
>out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
>
>9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
>
>10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
>
>11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
>
>12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't
>you?"
>
>AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)
>
>13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying
>that my head is not, in fact, up there?"