Humor: Watching what you say


Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Well don't feel too badly
about it, because you are NOT alone! Here are the testimonials of a few people
who have Lived to tell about their major faux pas!!!

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he
knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and
said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror,
she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't
let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee
last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was
clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo,
I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me
feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8
inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but
half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?