Words, Weights, Whatever

Monday, December 08, 2003

Limited edition Barbies

Thanks, Greg!

> Mattel recently announced the release of
> Limited-Edition
> So-Cal dolls for the Southern California market:
> Irvine Barbie
> This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine
> Spectrum. She
> comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a
> Lexus
> SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a
> cookie-
> cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck
> and face
> lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
> "augmented" version.
> Tustin Barbie
> This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with
> Ford
> Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets
> lost
> easily and has no full time occupation or
> secondary education.
> Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.
> Van Nuys Barbie
> This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
> comes
> with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy
> with dark
> tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is
> only available
> after dark and canonly be paid for in cash.
> Preferably small,
> untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we
> don't know
> what you are talking about.
> Santa Monica Barbie
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
> convertible
> or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup,
> credit
> card, and country club membership. Also available
> for this
> set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
> You won't
> be able to afford any of them.
> Fontana Barbie
> This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
> jeans two
> sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird
> tattoo on
> her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and
> a Hank
> Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and
> kick
> mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase
> her
> pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
> bumper
> sticker absolutely free.
> Newport Beach Barbie
> This collagen injec! ted, rhinoplastic Barbie wears
> a leopard
> print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while
> entertaining
> friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription
> available.
> Riverside Barbie
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a
> pair of her
> own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from
> the time
> she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie's
> house.
> Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans,
> fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also
> available with a mobile home.
> Laguna Beach Barbie
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long
> straight
> brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no
> makeup, and
> Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you
> call her
> "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll,
> but you if
> purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's and the
> optional Subaru
> wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
> Long Beach Barbie
> This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant
> doll.
> Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.
> Gangsta
> Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now
> very
> difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
> Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie
> She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken
> is because
> he's always away hunting.
> City of Industry Barbie
> This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
> Toyota
> with expired temporary plates and three baby
> Barbies in the back seat,
> but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes ! with
> a meat-packer's uniform
> and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
> Green cards are not available
> for City of Industry Barbie or Ken.
> West Hollywood Barbie/Ken
> This versatile doll can be easily converted from
> Barbie to
> Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple
> "snap-on"
> parts.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Who links to me?