Words, Weights, Whatever

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Work has been...sufficiently calm...that I worked on some ideas in my head. (Off company time like lunch, of course.)

I hit the gym for the first time in two week. Yikes! The instructor had a rough day with her staff and decided to let out her frustration on us poor participants. NOT. But she had new music, new routines, and a filled glass. And I and several others egged her on with growls, yips, and yowls in our enjoyment with the routine. A fun but exhaustive regimen.

Then I made the mistake of taking her weight-training class afterwards.

Huh. Let's just say I'm sore right now.

(Image found on the Internet and all rights belong to its owners.)

On Sunday, while walking down Santa Monica Boulevard to our fav eatery for a little din-din and intimacy, I heard the pattering of running feet behind me and turned. It was S, one of my friend's JSE's ex's. After greeting each other ("Hey! How's it going?" "Okay. Uh, I forgot your name."), he floored The Spouse and I with the question, "so, are you still together?"

Lately, as one of my few reading entertainments (besides Sellevision and Secret Atlas) has been Bechel's Dykes To Watch Out For, a series of cartoons about Mo and her entourage of family, friends, and ex's. LOTS of ex's not only for the Mo but for virtually every character (with the possible exception of Alberta...er...Jazeea (sp?)) in the strip. I thought of those characters after chatting with S. who apparently still missed JSE despite the decade after their breakup.

It's hard to sustain a long-term relationship (LTR) in this day and age. I once read that the divorce rate was as high as 50% for couples after a year of marriage (higher, of course, if you're in the entertainment industry.) It's worse, though, for those who live in alternative lifestyles (i.e., same-sex, triads, open relationships, "swingers", etc.) having to rely more on the participants own willingness to keep the primary relationship together since there's little, if any (or opposing) public support. The latter can include one's own community as it continues to struggle to define what is a relationships. The modern relationship--where two folks get together because of love--is a relatively new invention with the "traditional" one to be arranged marriages. One of my aunts, for example, was in an arranged marriage with my mom just at the cusp of having been in one. (The tradition was dying in her country by the time she reached dating age.)

After reassuring S. that, yes, R. and I were still together and going strong into our twelth year, we parted ways after catching up on our lives. We talked a bit about JSE and S. then noted how many ex's both had after the two had split and possibly why each couple had broken up (and, no, I won't be discussing them in my blog. This is a public forum!)

R. and I hope for the best for any two (or more. I know a few triads and open relationships.) who are just starting out together and it breaks our hearts when they split. What we've learned from our own relationships is that it takes all parties involved to make it work; one person cannot sustain a happy couplehood (or group) unless they're on drugs (remember the stereotypical pill-popping housewife of the fifties and sixties?). This applies even when the social system supports their marriage. Fortunately, R. and I have fallen into a peer group where not our relationship is supported but, in many ways, expected. None of our peers would even consider asking if we were still together.

So here's some advice we've learned after all these years: it really doesn't matter if the toilet paper comes from the bottom of the roll or the top.


  • 12 yrs, that's wonderfull! And yes it is very hard in this day and age to maintain a LTR. Congrats!

    By Anonymous Keith, at 12:51 AM  

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