Relationship roulette

Several of my friends (which includes my ex) have had profound changes in their relationships that I only found out this week.

I had dinner with my friend J. on Thursday. I hadn't spoken with him since spring; I hadn't seen him for a few years.
We met over at The Block in Orange. I arrived first and impatiently waited at the restaurant. Finally I saw him and waved him over. We hugged, climbed into the booth, and talked as friends do who haven't seen each other in a while. We barely begun when the server came over and took our drink order. We gave them, scarcely looking at her. We resumed our conversation, expressing how good the other looked.

J. and I have known each other since my college days. He and his spouse K. were speakers at this youth group I had belong to at the time. I bore witness to J. and K.'s breakup (which included still living in the same, co-owned, house until it was sold.) J. was there when I first met up with my ex., JC. R. and I met J.'s several paramours: S. and B. The latter and J. were together until several months.

They had been together for nine years: R. and I are finishing up eleven.

I wanted so badly to find out what had happened between the two of them. I knew B. But, over the years, I've developed a "courtnesy instinct" about relationships: I don't automatically assume folks are still together if I hadn't spoken to them in a while. Such was the case earlier in the week when I called J. I asked, "How's B.? I, oh. Sorry. Are you still together."

Maybe folks would find what I had said rude, but I was right. J. immediately said they were no longer together. Another instinct kicked in and I asked no more details. We moved on to safer subjects, finally deciding to get together later in the week.



At the restaurant we discussed over a wide range of topics. Who was he seeing now. What did he find attractive/not attractive. How our spouses had uncanny characteristics of the other. How our families were doing. He wasn't aware, for example, that one of my sisters is a mother.

At one point, one of his "dates" called on his cellphone. Scant seconds earlier, I felt my own cellphone vibrate. I returned my call while he checked up on his date.

After dining on an appetizer and entrees, we walked around the outdoor mall, both enjoying such walks and each other companionship. We continued to go over the same topics but from different angles. I'd probe here and there about what happend to B. but never pushed. If he wanted to share such info, I reminded myself, he will.

It was nearly 10 PM when we decided to call it a night. A quick hug, a promise to meet again, and he was gone.

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