***Organizing Orgy***

WARNING: This is rare rant from me.

One of the symptoms of madness is trying to get control over what you blatantly cannot. That’s how I feel about my life at the moment.

I know a lot of this feeling stems from the current chaos that is our home. As you faithful (mostly. I know what you did last summer night….) readers know, we’re currently remodeling our home. And we’re not talking about a small job, either: the entire kitchen (including appliances); the entire downstairs flooring; the staircase and upstairs landing; all three bathrooms; the washroom; bookcases the family room; and smaller jobs like the bar. Recently we added the kitchen and bathroom windows to the list as well.

The result is living within an apartment within our house. We currently live in the master bedroom, our two offices, and two bathrooms. The rest of the house is either for storage (the third bedroom, the living room) or left empty for more (smaller and additional) work (family room, kitchen, dining room).

Mentally adjusting to this downsizing hasn’t been easy and I feel it’s affected me more than R.

Every couple has differences, some of which are significant. R. has one that grates me to no end. I’ve had to compromise to deal with it. But I’ve never liked the quirk or the fact it was I who had to compromise: R. was never going to change in that manner.

The remodeling has magnified the quirk, its issue, and—again—brought to my attention what I give to keep the relationship healthy.

I’ve developed several coping mechanism to deal with stress. One is organizing certain elements around me to give me a feel of some semblance of control in my life.

First are my activities. R. and even some of my friends and family have whined that I spent a lot of time at the gym. I look at their fat arses, bellies, round faces with hanging or even double chins and politely remind them where I was four years ago: overweight, high-cholesterol, bad breath, body odor, night sweats, mold (between the layers of fat), high pulse rate, back pains, low self esteem, uncontrolled asthma, and other symptoms of being overweight and under fit. That satisfies them to return to eating their heavy meals while telling me their latest excuses of why they can’t lose weight (or what they’ve been doing to lose weight like the latest fad: eating power bars. Course they gloss over their double helpings of their regular meals, etc.)

More time writing. This is one of the benefits from my current negative outlook. (The other is a lowered sex drive.) I’ve already written three weeks pretty much straight with only 1-2 days off. Now this hasn’t necessarily translated into more words, mind you: the Muse has been most reluctant to get out of bed except for the past few days.

(To be continued….)