***Letter to Santa Clause***

Dear Santa,

Well, the turkey's back in the freezer with the rest of the leftovers so it's time that I write to you, Saint Nick, before you're inundated with letters and e-mails. (You do have e-mail, don't you?)

Firstly, could you teach non-flips to offer a little bit more food for next year's Thanksgiving meals? The Spouse and I attended the relatives' home up in Northridge on T-day. The hosts offered a wonderful meal: raisin bread, stuffing (a bit dry but tasty), turkey (duh!), a green bean cassarole (with those little onions) and my favorite, yams. Mmmmmm. And they offered three different desserts: spice cake, a berry tart thingie, and pumpkin pie. However, there was only enough for two servings a person! What's with that? There should have been four servings a person and enough leftovers to feed each guest's family for the next couple of weeks. I'll send you the URL on how to serve a typical filipino family without getting bankrupted for a second time.

When you hand out the coals this year, could you give extra for those naughty (barely) teens who came in the coffeeshop on Friday? I'm not normally this nasty but c'mon! Here I was, working on my NaNoWriMo draft all day (the Spouse was on-call) and evening when they came in, noisy, rambunctious, and loud. I could barely hear myself think as I completed the 5k of words that evening. When they left, the server and I commented about the spilled coffee drinks and cups strewn where the herds (there were at least three groups) had sat.

Could you knock some accuracy to the weathermen (and women)? Folks down here will thank you. Here I was, coming out of Barnes and Noble all frustrated because I couldn't use that early gift you sent (by the way, thanks!). I was venting my frustration to The Spouse when sheets of rain splattered what would have been a clear, but nippy, Saturday. It was like, so gross! At least I got my four pairs of shoes from DSW before the roads really became impassable.

By the by, if that was you who's been getting the Hunter X Hunter DVDs to us on time, thanks. We spent all Saturday night (and much of Sunday) watching the fascinating series. Talk about intense! That first original video anime (OVA) was great. What an ending! And the second one's proving just as absorbing.

By the way (and make sure Mrs. Claus is not reading over your shoulder) thank you for those two wonderful and orgasmic mornings on Thursday and over the weekend! I couldn't believe I could experience the big "O" from someone's own experience without releasing myself. Must be love eh? Hmmm. Could you add one of those karma sutra books to my gift list? Just for review, you know.

And speaking of gifts....

I'll be sending my request shortly in an encrypted zip file. My public key is with your lead elf. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me via e-mail (any of the five addresses), fax, telephone, or--in extremis--via snail mail. I'm sure your database will show I've been over 90% nice with the rest to be either youthful stupidity or under the influence of too much sugar (which my doctor will confirm.)


Sincerely,

Joel



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