Only a true Southerner....

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

Update

Writer:
Added NaNoWriMo to my links.

On my way....

Writer:
Signed on NaNoWriMo, didn't write a word tonight, my spouse says I'm born to write, and I got another cool idea while showering. Life's wonderful!

Triumphs

Personal, writer:
"I read the sports pages in the morning to see humanity's triumphs, then toss the paper away. I don't need to know humanity's failures."

The (much mutiliated) saying above is attributed to a former Supreme Court judge. To counter the constant barrage of "how awful humanity is" from the media (which I include bloggers), I'm going to post some of humanity's triumphs, the "good things" we do.

Before you get the wrong idea, I'm no pollyanna: I'm all too aware of how sh**** most folks are. Being married with a cynical (and realistic) physician helps reinforce my view that folks are self-centered, low self-esteemed, and very, very short-sighted who just love to whine how other folks are ruining the (read their) world.

But within this abyss, I see gleems of goodness. Volunteers who--both intent and actions--are just helping people. People saying "thank you" without ulterior motive. And other tiny signs. While that may not so-call "save" humanity at the end (whatever that is), I personally don't live for it and--honestly--don't care. I know we're not smart enough to comprehend the "All" of what is our existence. My personal answer to the "why we're here": we ARE. Let's just make the best of it, otay?

Enough soapbox. Feels disgusting. Here's the first of what I consider "good news":


British Fantasy Nods Announced

Organizers announced the nominations for this year's British Fantasy Awards, given by the British Fantasy Society, Locus Online reported. Winners will be announced at the British Fantasy Convention (FantasyCon) on Nov. 23 in Stafford, England.

http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/art-main.html?2003-10/01/08.30.books


Why'd I chose the above article? As a writer, I know the difficulties in the profression with the most being how alone one is while pursuing the art. A writer's day is spent writing, whether by computer, pen and paper, or other writing tools. Alone, eye turned inward while struggling to convey it--however imperfectly--the struggles going on in the imagination.

Thus, despite how certain writers feel about awards, I personally believe they're important to remind every writer that they're a part of a community that embraces their unique stories. I may not necessary like the story (in fact, I may hate it), but I acknowledge the contribution.

Today so far....

Writer:
Can't sign up on NaNoWriMo. Well, still goin' to start warmup exercises in October (which should result in at least 50 pages by the end of the month.)

Employee:
Seemed to get my laptop to work with the work account. And just in time: I go on-call this Friday.

Spouse:
Half-day for love. That means the rest of day and night is spent on paperwork instead of patients. Sigh. Maybe dinner together tonight....

Yikes! I'm behind....

Spouse:
R.'s back home. At least got two hours of sleep while on-call on Monday. Yeah!

Rough on-call and an even rougher day. Last patient apparently was a joy: clinic's running late (because patients show up half hour to an hour late of their appointment and expect to be seen IMMEDIATELY); computer system is down; HMO won't cover patient's treatment and patient mis-interprets that to mean the DOCTOR won't perform the treatment (the doctor will, of course, but who pays the bill?) etc.

If being a physician's a calling, you'd have to be a saint or a masochist to remain in the profession. And I love the most persistent complaint: "Doctor, I feel stressed." And patient's occupation? Admin. Huh. Trying dealing with threats of lawsuits, non-compliance, terminally ill patients, and grossly obese folks WHO DON'T bathe, etc., on a daily basis (and let's not even go into being on-call, dealing with hostile nurses and other physician, etc.) and we'll talk about being stressed.

Sorry about the rant. I just live with a physician....


Employee:
New draft of handbook to manager and co-worker. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Haven't heard back from that other company. I'm not expecting too. The first call was a surprise anyway.


Fitness:
Didn't work out in the afternoon as originally planned. Grabbed a lunch instead. Was able to do chest, some tricep, and cardio in the evening session. Man! Have to increase the weights used during weight-training: I've been "babying" myself. I hope I feel sore in the next couple of days. Otherwise, weights will DRAMATICALLY increased next week.

Got to get diet back in order. The cookies didn't help afterwards....

Writing again....

Writing:
Decided I'm going to participate in the Nano event in, well, November. Just the thought of writing 50k words in a month is making me plan to "warm up" starting in October. Now I have to decide what shall be the ideas that I'll work on for October "practice" and the November NaNo. (One must start fresh for the contest.) Decisions, decisions....

Fitness:
Worked out today. Was able to do back and biceps. Haven't been able to do two muscle groups like that in a while.

Notice a couple of things. The Tustin gym's not crowded even at noon (unlike the now-closed Irvine branch) and I need to increase the weight for the bigger muscles. They're too light even for toning.

The afternoon so far....

Personal:
Blasting one of the disks from Slayers. Whew! Talk about heart-pounding. Love it!

Gotta start more housework shortly. Changed the filters; changed R.'s car's oil; food shopped for this week (I hope); unpacked the new shredder; and nearly ready to start a dishwash.

Sigh. Planned to do some writing on my WIPs. Maybe tonight? Came up with another cool sf concept, though. Jotted it down. Now, as long as I don't lose that notebook....